Who ever would have though it - a once terrified soul, not even able to watch a film that included scenes of flying without anxiety skyrocketing (excuse the pun), actually finding a sense of calm and acceptance when flying. That's me, and what helped me more than anything, was breathwork and meditation.
My fear of flying is more than ironic since my dad is a pilot and he had me in gliders and small aircrafts as soon as I was tall enough for the strap to fit me - the parachute was bigger than I was! The truth is that I never really loved flying but I could deal with it and even went on to consider a career in the airforce, applied to work as cabin crew and travelled all over the world with the occasional discomfort. But after a few bad experiences I developed an uncontrollable fear of flying, to the point that I had to use medication to get me from A to B. Even though I refused to let my fear stop me, travelling was very traumatic for me (and in fairness, anyone unfortunate enough to travel with me...)
When my fear was at its peak, the very idea of flying sent my heart racing and my mind spiraling into a whirlwind of fear. Several days before take off, I would gaze at the skies for any signs of bad weather building up, interpreting the clouds and ready to reschedule my flight, ruining all sense of joy and anticipation. Once on board, the slightest hint of turbulence would send me into a complete panic, and every ding of the seatbelt sign felt like a warning of impending doom. And even if I had taken medication, it would only take the slightest edge off my fear, but it was still incredibly real and present, as irrational as it may seem to others.
But then, it occurred to me that I could try and practice what I'd learned about breathwork and meditation to ground myself even though I was airborne. At first, it seemed far too simple, too obvious to possibly make a difference. How could something as basic as breathing and sitting quietly in reflection change the way I felt during flying? Well, it took practice and effort, but it did actually change with time.
Breathwork became my anchor, and as soon as I am settled in my seat I start with some Deep Belly breaths (making the exhale longer than the inhale) repeating to myself 'I breathe in calm, I breathe out worry'. After that I do some alternating nostril breaths, to get out of my catastrophizing mind and into my body, where I am in reality actually safe and unharmed. This all sounds very simple but it can take a long time to take effect, and I know when it's happened because my whole being surrenders to just sitting there.
Then I listen to a long guided meditation, usually about 1 hr or so, and for me the deeper and more challenging the introspection (like a shamanic journey) - the better! I've realized that the source of my fear lay not in the external world, but within the recesses of my own mind. So meditation has became my refuge (both on and off a plane) – a sanctuary where I retreat from the chaos of my thoughts and connect with a deeper sense of calm and clarity. I've learned to observe my fears with a gentle curiosity as I'm strongly grounded in the present moment, rather than allowing them to overwhelm me.
I've begun to unravel the tangled web of thoughts and emotions that fueled my fear of flying. I discovered that beneath the surface anxiety lay a deeper wellspring of vulnerability – a fear of the unknown, a fear of loss of control, a fear of surrendering to the forces beyond my grasp. But through the practice of meditation, I learned to embrace these fears with compassion and acceptance.
I fully understand that it might not be for everyone to go deep diving into the darkest recesses of your soul in moments of vulnerability (but as a Scorpio, this is very me...), but here are some other simple techniques to try calming your mind, when your feel anxiety bubbling;
Deep belly breathing - all the way from deep down in your beely to your chest, and try to make the exhale longer and deeper than the inhale.
Distraction - Close your eyes, deep breath in and out - pick a letter from the alphabet, when you open your eyes, look around and either silently in your mind, or even write down all the things you can see that start with this letter. Instead of a letter, you could also pick a colour and list all the things around you with that colour.
Meditation - Plug your earphones in and listen to a guided relaxation or meditation audio, there are loads of free ones available on the Insight Timer or Calm app.
Positive affirmations - 'I am safe, all is well' (Louise Hay, explore any of her amazing transformative books to challenge a thought pattern e.g. You can heal your life).
And while the fear may never fully disappear (nor will my back up Diazepam for long haul flights, although I've not yet had to use it - yeay!). I am currently able to co-exist with it and address it one breath and meditation at a time, one journey at a time. And I am in no way glossing over the complexity of anxiety or how difficult it can be to manage and it may be appropriate to seek professional help and support, especially if your anxiety is holding you back from doing things or steals your joy.
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